Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
