wanna go halves on a baby?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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