so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
