but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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