2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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