sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
