The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
