Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
