i can't believe i had my finger in that
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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