i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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