I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
