Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i think i have two assholes
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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