my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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