remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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