I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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