ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
