I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize