I love having hate sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your penis caused this!
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