You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
