i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
