its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
