He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
