she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
