she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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