i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
