Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I look better un-naked...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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