The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
