I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Still dying that you shit outside
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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