may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
