what day is it and did you see me today?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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