Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
