Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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