i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's always time for handjobs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize