Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
