I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
