hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
