She said her name was "party"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
