Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
