I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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