Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
