I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize