Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
