Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
