i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
