My first STD was from a foam party
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
