Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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