dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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