Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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