JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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