I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
