she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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