I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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