you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
