I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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