Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
