"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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