I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
