I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
