I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
someone owes me an orgasm
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
