I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
