So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
