Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
