my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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