y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize