Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
