Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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