thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
