I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Even my vagina gasped.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
