I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
there is glitter all over my balls
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
