This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
