Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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