That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
