First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
