I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
