I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
