If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
