the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
