Pappa wants mamma naked
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
