worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
