ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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