I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
