forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
