What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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