i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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