so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Pooping to opera.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
