So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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