we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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