I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
