if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
