Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
