it wasn't lemon gatorade
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize