I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize