what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize