I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
