finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
