I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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