nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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