i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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