I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you had me at cake vodka
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i think i just lost a toe
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
