if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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