I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
