I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
