Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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