It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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