wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
